UPDATE: I just found out (to my relief to be honest) that the jacket thing listed near the bottom being made by another person is actually something completely different, so I don't know why the company mentioned another customer's order in mine. But I can, with a small amount of selfish satisfaction - say that I don't think anyone has got my design made yet. I'll keep that information below as-is though so the earlier comments remain in-context

Time I made a new journal as three events within this past week have finally given me something noteworthy to talk about. The first two are really cool and make me feel like my art is having a worthwhile impact in places other than just on here. The third...could be either really cool or really worrying, depending on the situation, so I'll put that one last.

The Interview:
I won't ramble on too much about this since the interview itself is long enough as is and I don't actually expect anyone to read it all (even my own dad didn't Though he already knows what makes me tick anyway so there was nothing new to him) But I was interviewed here. Kinda long, but if anyone is curious to what I use, how long I've been doing this, what my inspirations are etc it might be an inspiring read

The CD Cover:
Last weekend I got a massive surprise when I saw a CD cover artwork I did as a commission a while back (not uploaded here) actually being sold in a local music store. Took a while to make it here, but I wasn't even expecting that, so it was a really surreal experience which I haven't had before (I actually thought someone stole my work at first until I recognized the band name shortly after picking it up, so don't worry, it's not stolen ) A picture of it and full story here.


The Jacket:
What I learned today about this one has given me such a mix of opposing emotional fronts that I feel like I have a tornado of confusion, excitement and a little concern forming inside of me and like a real one, who knows what the outcome would be, could be an amazing sight, or a disaster. So what happened?

Well I got a response from a custom jacket-making service about this when I asked about it. The price is understandable for their level of quality and for how much detail the jacket has. But let's just say it wouldn't be a responsible purchase for me at the time Anyway, that's not it. It turns out that they said "We have a customer in Japan who is having the same jacket made" and that struck me harder than the price estimate since I was not expecting that at all I don't know what to say, part of me is like "wow, cool, this jacket is going to exist somewhere in real life!" but a bigger part of me is pretty bummed that the lucky owner of my jacket design isn't even going to be me, but some (obviously loaded) dude in Japan. It also worries me too, are they just a fashion lover or motorcycle rider who wanted a cool jacket? or are they a Jrocker, a performer, a fashion designer or company owner themselves who could go around saying that they are the one who designed it and had it made? I suddenly can't help but feel some remorse for uploading it to the world, but at the same time I had to since I thought it was a good way of proving it's mine

Anyway, I asked the jacket makers if they could be kind enough to send me pictures of it before they send it to their very lucky Japanese customer, just so I could at least see how it looks. And if the person getting it made is kind enough to remember me and see's this, I would love to get in contact with you too (don't worry, it's not a bad thing unless you're claiming the design as your own, I just think it would be cool to see who got it and what you think of it! )

Only time will tell I guess. I suppose I'd better upload the sleeveless jacket design too to also claim that as "being on here before anywhere"

Well I left last year on a negative note, and had to get that downer off my page, so now - having _mostly gotten over it I guess it's time to make a new entry. However since I feel like I need an excuse to journal about anything at all, this time I needed to make one. And what better way to start off a new year than trimming the fat from previous years that's mentally burdening me. I've already gotten rid of dusty old e-mails from years past and when I'm up to it I'm gonna do the same with notes here too. I inherited my lack of will to just throw old stuff out from my mother and sometimes even on the internet I let minor sentimental value let me cling onto old crap I or nobody else cares about anymore, and that just produces clutter over time. The reason why I'm mentioning this is because you *might* get "updates" from me involving existing artworks. I hope not, but if so then just ignore them since nothing about them has changed, I'm just editing their comments that have links to related works that were deleted (yes, I actually bother getting rid of misleading/broken links since they annoy me when I encounter them) So just bear with me. Most of the ones deleted are in my scraps anyway, then to fill those gaps I might move some older works from my main gallery to my scraps. I think a "gallery purge" is healthy as a once a year ritual for any artist who submits fairly regularly. Nobody likes having to browse a huge gallery to reach the end, so what better way to solve it then by scrapping the bad and totally deleting the awful

I also need to take notes about this month down since I'm gonna see if I can do one of those "Summary of Art" memes I see people upload every December if I decide to go through with it. Showing the artwork is one thing, but what really adds character is when the artist explains what was going through their mind that month and how it reflected what they created and how prolifically they created it. I know I'm gonna remember nothing about this month by the end of the year unless I write something down

January - like many it fills me with a little bit of optimism. The end of the year seems to wear a lot of people down, so the start of one naturally has the opposite effect, as we all hope for changes. I sure I do, but I'm still realistic enough to not set my watch to it. However I'm feeling much better than before, but not all that artistic still. I wanted to make more than just my T-Shirt contest entry this month but I'm at a loss of what to start as my own thing for fun before going back to commissions, maybe because I haven't yet fully un-burdened myself with half-finished other stuff.

Speaking of which, I might as well promote it one last time. While I still think panhandling for votes in pathetic, I guess I'm gonna have to if everyone else is just to level out the playing field. Kinda like how taking steroids is a pathetic way to win a marathon, but if all the other racers are doing it, well - you have to keep up just for sake of balance or you'll be left at a huge disadvantage created by your own modesty. So if you like it, then vote, your reward is for me to stop talking right...NOW!


I do have something pretty cool lined up for later, it may even start a meme of its own

Well this forgettable year is just about over now, and all I can say is good riddance, asides from moving house there is nothing good that came out of it but the real fault is my own poor choices that should have been things I have looked forward to, not things I regretted doing. Seems like everytime I have something to get excited about, it never lives up to expectations no matter what I put into it. The past couple of days though was what really disappointed me. A realization that I've wasted a lot of time and money on things that only yielded results I was not happy with. Starting from a haircut yesterday that totally isn't me, part of the blame goes to me though for asking too much to be taken off, now it's just short and boring and I have to wait ages for it to grow back again But the worst part of that was being shown that I'm already receding near the front, way to make me feel twice as old as I am, I might as well start saving up for some false teeth while I'm at it I'm hoping it won't go too far as now it isn't real bad but there's definitely a difference. Of course - my brothers never got this, they are still fine. Which shouldn't be a surprise because everything works out for them, it's always been this way. I should know since if given the opportunity to switch lives I would easily take theirs but they are pretty clear they wouldn't take mine. Even earlier this week my family got some amusement out of the fact that everyone - even gay guys are constantly showing interest in them. Even strangers fancy them more, They just have confidence and charisma that I totally lack and it seems to be getting worse everytime I get one of these depressing reality checks. Whether we like to admit it or not - humans are community creatures and what other people think of you will affect your life to some extent. So when people think so little of you when they see no self esteem, no interesting or social personality and virtually no will to even exist, well you can only expect to get little out of life. And it seems every passing year I just radiate more and more waves of "leave me the hell alone" wherever I go. I used to blame this on other people for being difficult to get along with, but I know the problem is me, sometimes I wished I could be just like those I hate since they are actually having fulfilling lives. I'm physically 23, I should be having the time of my life, but I feel like an old man who has grown bitter towards everything because everything seemed so much better years ago

Then there's my failed projects too. The fish tank redesign I was so eager to get into has just been one slow and expensive train wreck. Still empty and not going anywhere, still looks like crap. I spent weeks working on a background image for it and a further $50 getting it printed out large enough only to get a result that I'm totally not happy with. God I wish I could go back in time and tell myself months ago that the idea was a total bomb and to not blow hundreds of dollars of it. I can't enjoy something that I feel cost me more money than what the final result is worth. Just another thing I was looking forward to that was a total bust. Makes me wonder why I bother getting excited about anything. My lack of enthusiasm in general is why I don't produce art anymore at the rate I did a couple of years back. I still have as much free time as I did then but my excuse is nothing other than sheer lack of motivation to even get out of bed in the morning, let alone produce art It's hard to show signs of life on the outside when you're pretty much dead on the inside

Well that's enough moping for one journal, Hopefully next year will be better, though I have now learned never to have anything more than the absolute minimum expectations in anything, I would just be potentially setting myself for disappointment if I did. To quote a quote from...some guy, "The best part about being a pessimist is that you are either always right or pleasantly surprised"

That's what people say, and the fact I haven't journalled about anything in several months means nothing bad has happened to me either (or nothing that warrants a journal about it anyway) But I figured enough stuff has finally happened in my life over the past months that it's time to recap it all (yep, I'm just that boring that it takes months of events to summon up to one journal )

First I want to thank all the comments, and welcome all my new watchers that each came as a result of my Spectrum of Emotions getting a Daily Deviation for Halloween. It now stands as my second most popular deviation, kinda funny how my minority genres seem to do the best, but I'd be lying if I didn't say I even get a laugh out of my own emoticons and I'm glad others too
Speaking of dA related stuff, it seems journals and News articles have now turned into the same thing, many people hate the change and are unsure about what's going to happen with people faving journals too. I also have to say I'm not huge fan of either change but it isn't as experience-ruining as people make it out to be. Remember there's always the option of not faving journals

Months ago I mentioned moving house (yet again!) And that has come and gone a few months ago already. The new place is a lot smaller but my family and I were eager to move in since at least we'll be owning this one. No more damn rentals, no more not being able to customize the place. Good for me since maybe I can plant some of my plants in the ground, too many pots around the yard did look tacky, I'm eagerly awaiting for my opportunity to do so once the gardens start being built so I can pester my parents my ingenious ideas A while ago I remodelled the small garden at my brother's place. Using little more than what was already there, but with actual thought into where everything was re-planted and where certain other items were placed, I think I can say I got a rather expensive-looking result he was very happy with, which re-ignited my secondary creative hobby

There's the stuff that grows, now for stuff that glows - my fish tank is disappointingly still empty and in parts, right now it's been looking like a half-finished money-sink, like a building that was left half-made. But hoping I didn't waste a lot of money remodelling it for an Avatar forest theme, I still need stuff that has to be done anyway to finish it off. It should be show-worthy by the time it finally does. I do have a tendency to hate anything I create until the very last 5% of finishing touches, so I'm hoping that's just the case here. Still working on a background and trying to find something I can use to make the fake plants glow...that won't kill the fish

Also, it's November, which to me is prime calendar-promoting month, with the gift-giving season just around the corner, followed by the new year (and dA's habit of long shipping times...from my experience anyway ) Might as well find a spot on my journals for this in case anyone's interested:

This week my complete obliviousness to what's going on around me has surface in two ways, kinda funny actually, but a little worrying depending on the context.

The one that provoked me to journal though is not the dead fish that was in my tank for probably 2 days before I realized it was dead (damn bottom feeders, they always look dead) but rather a spike in pageviews that is just not natural which embarrassingly was days ago but I just realized now I've been averaging in the low to mid 100's each day this month (whut? half my average for this time last year? ) And all of the sudden on June 17 I got over 32'000 of them, yet didn't notice any more messages that I would get on a normal day, which is probably why it slipped past me without me knowing, like a forming tsunami that barely budges a boat out at sea, yet later gets noticed when it approaches the shore (God I love my analogies ) It's probably just a weird dA bug, I've heard of the same thing happening to others before as evident in this screenshot [link] smaller numbers yes but same ratio. I kinda hope that's what it is since the thought of getting real pageviews at that rate all of the sudden for just one day is scary...what powerful forces could lead so many views to one page, and have it forgotten the next day? yeah, probably just a bug I hope.

Or maybe it's an ironic case of Murphy's law, for you see - recently the "popular deviants" bar was removed from the "today" page and because of this bug I would have finally gotten there by accident a few days ago Heaps of people, including myself all rejoiced at the list being removed though. What's all this about then? well for the uninformed, the today page just shows a bunch of stuff going on in dA that day, like most-commented journals and forums, newest deviants and latest comments and critiques on deviations, Daily Deviations and more - but there was a highly coveted list there up until recently - deviants who were getting the most pageviews that day. You know - those people that you secretly hate because they get more viewers in a day than you get in a year, don't worry - I hated e'm too since certain artists were there every day, getting even more exposure as a result, it was almost like an unfair system that rewarded people who were popular by giving them thousands of extra views on top, the reverse Robin Hood if you will. But people found ways of cheating pageviews by paying for them with points (I'm not explaining how since it's wrong and I'm tired) causing the most mundane, boring-ass galleries no-one has heard of to skyrocket to getting sometimes millions of "generated" pageviews in a day, shooting these random people to the top of a now flawed list, so dA got rid of it, much to the joy of all but the same 12 deviants who were there every day

It sparked many conversations in the forums actually, people have always said pageviews are meaningless but deep down inside many of us know that almost everyone has one eye on their view counter once in a while, it lets us know are we taking the right track or not, which never sounded useless to me, like how people say money can't buy happiness even though you know you'd be bouncing off the walls right now if your lottery numbers suddenly came up on the TV. But maybe they finally are useless, a person can these days pay shifty deviants points to use these...things (computer terms - don't know e'm) to somehow hack up views at a rate comparable to crack on speed, now being a super-duper awesome million pageview artist is a spot that can be bought. I can't say I approve of this, but hey - if it de-values those with millions of pageviews then people might finally stop worrying about that stuff once these pageview walls are torn down and reveal that there's a thriving and fun art site behind them, what's that doing there?

Anyway, what a long journal caused by my mouse clicking on something I usually ignore. Not a rant though, not sure what this is, a blog perhaps? yeah, we'll call it that...Says the rhino that apparently has been sitting in this room for the past hour that I'm only just noticing now

Seems whenever I make a new journal after a long time without one, something provokes me to make another very soon after it again. They feel like they come in pairs lol

But a Daily Deviation is always something I think is worth journalling about, as I like having a record of this stuff beyond the DD's themselves, plus the novelty of getting one hasn't worn off for me since they often come just when things for me are looking their slowest. So it sure helped revived what felt like a dwindling interest in my work and I can also use this as an opportunity to welcome all new watchers (who care to read) since I couldn't keep up with all of them before. And to thank my existing active ones again too. But since a DD isn't an Emmy award, I'll cut the speech now and go on to this gallery meme I thought would be interesting to try, anyone can do their own in their journal too, I found out through `CookiemagiK myself.

Select a picture from your gallery for each of these categories, give an explanation/statistic if you like!

Deviation with the most views, comments and faves:

With over 10'300 faves, it's the only deviation I have with a five-digit fave count (so far) If it makes you feel better, my least popular has 20 faves but the meme does not care about that.

Deviation that's closest to my heart:

This one was really hard to decide on. So many of my work (especially my earlier submissions) have an emotional attachment with me since I was learning and discovering so much and the thrill of posting to dA was relatively new. This one got it by a bit more since it marks the point where my work really started to become interesting, and as a result - it was my first ever Daily Deviation I got during a time I was very down and insecure about my art due to extreme lack of views I was getting before it

Still not convinced about it yet:

I have a love/hate relationship with this one. I love it for its concept which I had not yet seen when I thought of it and the level of details in some areas too (especially since cities are not typically my thing) But I feel like I went the wrong way about executing it, to me it feels a little abstract and I did feel "forced" in many aspects, and feeling like you're forced in an artwork means you'll never get truely desirable results. Still, at least others really like it and it even got a Daily Deviation - but even the DD comment seems like a "only just good enough for one" award too

Expected more of it, but failed:

I was hoping to draw the sexiest, most arousing (yet still non-mature content) fan-art of Cloud Strife around. We can all agree my mind was in the right place (by which I mean just a few inches lower and it would have been in the gutter) But my anatomy skills did limit me and result in some flaws and I didn't get quite the....response I expected. But I don't "hate it" though, I just expected it to come out better

Reflects my personality:

If people aged physically only as fast as they did mentally, I rightfully should still be a happy-go-lucky 12 year old. Being childish though is different to being immature. I'm definitely mature and level-headed about a lot of things and have been told I display a level of wisdom beyond my real age in some things. But at heart I still feel like a kid, most typical adult activities like drinking, clubbing and so-on don't appeal to me. Things that are colourful and shiny always grab my attention though. I've always been mesmerized by spherical things too. I love marbles, bouncy-balls, balloons, bubbles etc - guess that includes planets, the biggest marbles of all

Reflects my Nationality:

Australia doesn't really have much, and is probably the least-talked about of the developed nations and is often forgotten, all tucked away down here on the world's ass. But when it comes to beaches (and the types of people who attend them) We win hands down! Spending Summer at the beach is as Australian as Apple Pie is American. I don't go much myself but I enjoy it when I'm there. Christmas time lands on Summer here too, so what we lack in a pretty white Christmas, we make up for with bright, warm outdoor social gatherings

Took the most time:

Technically the single deviation that took the most time was my "Solar Scapes" calendar, but that's really more like a composite of 13 unique artworks, which each took less time to do than this and only beat it when added up. This however is the most time-consuming single piece I've done so far. I really bit off more than I could chew here and as a result don't really want commissions like this yet since I couldn't possibly charge fairly without ripping myself off time-wise. It took anywhere between 70-100 hours on and off over a couple of months

Made while in a bad mood:

With countless computer crashes, this was fast becoming a pain to work on as it was. Only to have the file get corrupted right near the end the first time around forcing me to start almost entirely from scratch again, I think only my "Vue it" ones have given me more crashes, but at least they can be justified. I don't know why this one gave me so much trouble

Made while in a good mood:

I love working on tropical landscapes, I've done them more than anything else, especially in my pre-dA years. I think they're a virtual "escape" and are relatively easy for me to do too. So it's not like I have to stress too hard about getting a decent result with these. Just pure fun

Made for someone special:

This didn't start out being for anyone, but just before posting it I was informed one of my most loyal watchers had passed away. It was a real moment of realization there so I dedicated this to her. We deviants are so used to our favourite artists and most loyal watchers always being here that we rarely remember that behind these digital accounts lies a very mortal human user, and that the possibility of logging in one day and finding out one of our favourite deviant artists or watchers has died is not as unreal as we think. It's almost haunting to think how many accounts there are already that are virtual gravestones, stuck forever in the same state they were when the deviant last logged in

That's all for now

Ahh, there's nothing like finding some new and interesting to work on to break up the more casual stuff. Plus it's also a reason to finally update my journal.

Two are actually Avatar-related. Yep, while the movie has been out for ages and I've had an inspired journal CSS for a while now (that keeps bugging out of me so I apologize if it displays crap on some monitors, damn HTML volatility) I'm only now finally doing some serious hommage to it that I'm sure will make everyone happy

The first will probably be my next deviation, something really cool that I've been working on for ages already and is nearing completion by now. But since it's coming soon I might as well not ruin the surprise, but my first fan-art for it will be something that surely would make jaws hit keyboards and make up for the long delay, and I don't say that much, so I'm speaking out of excitement and a little bit of pride I must admit

The second is something more for myself, being a real-life thing best appreciated in person. But is actually the one I'm more excited about doing for that reason alone. I've had my aquarium for almost 5 years now and during that time I was happy conforming to the "fake reef" look that I've sometimes seen in other aquariums and is vividly colourful. But times have changed and my creativity has grown since then, so the tank will be getting a makeover! Most present decorations that have now faded and been stained by algae over the years will be replaced with something a little more...Bioluminescent (try saying that ten times!) I'm giving the tank and avatar theme too. To some it may be a fandom gone too far, but to me it's because I just love shiny glowy vegetation, and also the interest and well-designed aquarium brings to the room. So that's been my top priority lately as I regularly buy all kinds of fake tropical and alien-like plants, as well as blue submersible lights and maybe glowing gravel off ebay in preparation for the dramatic change that my brother referred to as "Pimp my Tank"
But I have another damn house move ahead so I likely won't be setting it up too soon, I gotta wait for the stuff I bought on ebay to arrive anyway. But one thing I can work on meanwhile is making a custom background for the aquarium that if it looks "artistic" enough I may post here, it'll be the neon forest scene and I hope I can find a place that prints large images, Anyway, photo's may come if I can get one decent enough but being a long way off from completion I wouldn't hold your breath

The third isn't something started by me personally but I may enjoy contributing to it, though I'm not sure if the original artist wants the idea promoted yet before it's started so I'm not going to say what. But I will just say it will be inspiration and maybe even fun for anyone interested in the space-art genre, so of course I volunteered to be a contributor after being pre-selected

And so that's it, I guess these things will gradually be done and released over time, it at least gives me stuff to think about and look forward to

Yeah, the title sucks - I couldn't think of anything else

Anyway thanks to the birthdays in watcher's inboxes feature this anniversary didn't exactly sneak up and surprise me, but Normally I keep an eye on my age counter around this time of the year anyway since it really does feel like an extra birthday seeing how my account has become such a significant part of me, and one of the few things I committed to that I didn't get bored of or lose the point in after a few years, there are people who can't even say that honestly about their relationships

Having been here for this long it's harder to remember life without deviantART...I got more sleep, that's for sure. But I got almost no paid artistic work. But I'm not taking a trip down memory lane sharing my amateur art and internet blunders this time since I sorta did that in my previous journal and it's too soon for another long-winded history lesson

The days of me submitting once every week are gone though, decent submissions takes me too long to make these days to post so regularly, and commissions are finally giving me an excuse too. Kinda odd how I still have lots of ideas on what I want to draw but when I finally get some free time to do it I can't. It's like I'm worried about not breaking any new grounds when I should just be doing it for fun. It might change though since I might go on another self-induced learning bender since I want to be more efficient. Spending 30+ hours on a single work isn't going to get me anywhere, especially since I was told by the manager of a 3D animation academy I considered applying for recently that what I'm doing already is good enough to land me a job as an illustrator or concept artist - was nice hearing that from a professional and in real life too. But understandably they did say I had to do something about my painfully slow creation time.

And I likely will, I yesterday tried painting a landscape in the expected way a concept artist usually does even though it felt totally weird compared to my normal workflow but did yield a more instant result, meaning I could see where it was going composition and mood-wise sooner. I liked it and want to turn it into a fully-fledged piece anyway, or at least a submit-worthy one. Could be ages before I get a chance to continue it though. Still doesn't solve my lack of confidence when it comes to illustrating urban scenes and characters which have to be much more structurally precise. I know how to draw of course, I just can never seem to fully understand those important subjects, even with reference I can try as I want to improve but I think I will always be wired towards natural landscapes and simply enjoy them more.

So yeah, my life hasn't really had anything worthwhile happen to it still, but knowing some of the stuff I've been told recently at least makes me feel a lot less hopeless, I probably just need more time still

Normally I don't bother with "end of year" journals, but since this year is the closing of the "naughties" forever, I think I'd give a nostalgic testament to it with what I remember most and my most significant experiences

Personal experiences - the "sentimental" stuff

Hard to think at the beginning of the decade I was nervously thinking about what High school was going to be like, weeks from starting it and weeks after giving a goodbye to my primary school life (which I later missed once I was in high school, I'm sure many of you felt the same ) I was 12 at the time - to avoid confusion for American readers, there's no "middle school" here - high school starts at grade 7. Back then the only hair on me was on my head, now I have to shave it off virtually everyday, and that's just the face

Wasn't easy - starting big, bad high school and hiding the fact I then still LOVED Pokemon, still LOVED Dragon Ball Z and thought Trunks was the coolest character in the show, I had my haircut like his for much of my early teens Didn't look good on such a dorky teenager as myself though, not that I felt like that at the time I was a bit of smartass in high school so that kind makes up for it. Not a terror but no goody two-shoes either. I told off some teachers and drew all the time in class...sometimes rude stuff....on the chalkboard but most teachers still remember my antics fondly

Speaking of drawing, like many young artists here - I drew more than my fair share of amateurish anime art in my teens, much of which were rips of existing characters that I so denied they were I thought they were great at the time, but all I can say is thank God I didn't know of dA back then, I would have probably gotten trolled for my "art" I still have some, but stupidly threw so much away, keep your old shit guys! one day you'll look back and laugh

Talking about art brings me to deviantART, I wasn't led to this site until I was 17 (2006) so I was in my last year of school by then and I think I made more artistic progress in my first couple of years on dA than I did in the 6 years of this decade before it. It has changed my life, mostly for the better. I wish dA and its kind community was there for me in my difficult early-teen years, but in another way - not having my young life controlled by computers and internet was an experience no generation will likely get again, mine was one of the last..Times change so fast So here I am, can't say my life is all too fulfilling but many experiences have shaped who I am, but wow have I changed, mostly for the better (especially physically ) but also much wiser than the naive teen I was when the decade started

Pop Culture experiences - the "yeah, I remember that!" stuff

Not even the "Xbox generation" was out at the beginning of the decade. The Nintendo 64 and its rival the first PlayStation still were giving their last puff of steam before paving the way for the next generation. I personally was a Gamecube guy since I love Nintendo, especially Super Smash Bros, and have around 400 hours of Super Smash Bros Melee play time racked up between age 14 and now Time wasted? - nah, there's a saying that goes "Time wasted having fun is never really wasted" My school friends and I always argued over what consoles were best (need I say they were Xbox lovers ) ahh the "serious debates" teenagers have

And what causes debates more than anything other than religion, politics and sport? - Music! the past decade had some really memorable music, one-hit wonders like: Who let the dogs out?, Starlight, Hey-ya, Where is the Love?, Bad Day, Ms Jackson, All the small things, She will be loved, Welcome to the black parade, Wish you well, Candyman, Feel good inc and about a million others - heck, even Crazy Frog deserves a spot

Movies and TV too, there's heaps also to mention there: Shrek, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Spiderman, Ice Age, Matrix, The DaVinci code, The Dark Knight and Avatar to cap e'm all near the end . Though some things I'd rather forget *cough* _{Big Brother} *cough*

Got any more to list, just go ahead in your comment, I love hearing about this sort of stuff, Happy New Year!

Not a very interesting or dramatic journal this time, but I still can manage to make e'm long I suppose it works out well though since I can't really afford to bring forth too many comments to answer for stuff that isn't actual art submissions since I'm kinda busy with some commissions and trying to think of what to do for this year's Christmas pic But I just needed to get that last journal off my page. But I stand by making it - it generated help I otherwise wouldn't have gotten and the course of events now might be different, I might not have created my last few works, which I think are some of my best submissions this year, even if they aren't my most popular

Still, I can't help but feel like I'm trying too hard at times and maybe need to lower the bar back to a more enjoyable level just a little bit. But I will always want to maintain a certain standard of quality in what gets uploaded here, for I know how many of us (including myself) hate it when an artist gets popular and starts slacking off since they know anything they submit will get tons of comments and faves no matter what Quite disappointing when an artist you worshipped starts submitting deviations that make you question why you watch them anymore For the integrity of my own gallery and what confidence I do have, I probably will always be the kind to submit only my "good" stuff In fact, I don't really like complaining about my art, it may not be Hollywood studio-quality stuff but I admit I'm pretty happy with my work most of the time and would be content as a freelancer alone if it was more reliable (no elitism in that no matter how good I get I just can't stand elitism in people ), especially considering the handicap of me not having been to a proper arts and media college and learning most of what I know on my own I only really get shitty because it often takes forever

I still have lots of ideas for personal works up my sleeve. The only thing hindering them is trying to think of something for Christmas and a couple of commissions. But I guess the fact that ideas come readily to me is a good thing. Just wish I had more time to do e'm. Almost a whole day in front of the computer all week just isn't enough This includes some more 360 degree view works like Pine Shrine, but I don't want to do those too frequently otherwise the whole novelty of them wears out

Also, I get a lot of group offers too, another thing to be thankful for Now Many might get their offer turned down and think "why"? In reality I hate saying no to them, but I try to keep my deviation pages "clean" by not having too many group avatars near them. I have nothing against those who do, especially if the artist finds getting attention on their own hard (yeah, I've been there, done that - still remember how it felt, there were no groups then though, just poorly-run clubs :dohtwo But to me, too many group avatars near a work looks distracting, so I really try to limit how many groups I have each piece in, and some even keeping "exclusive" to my gallery. So people can still offer, I sometimes say yes, but don't take it as a knock to your group if I say no

Also, I'm happy because my sexy pair of Demonia boots arrived too bad it's Summer here so it's too hot to wear e'm. Summer sucks if there's no beach/pool/air conditioner around to enjoy during it :dohtwo:

HEY! Free shipping is currently applied to all prints and calendars, for a limited time only though, if you still want my calendar or other prints, now's the time to get e'm!

Update: I want to thank everyone for their advice and for pulling me back on track when it felt like I was veering off Also I'm thankful for the Daily deviation, I'm only not making a new journal since it's too soon

I've hit a tipping point today that has made me reflect on a lot of other things that can't help but make me wonder if everything I have dedicated my life to has been little more than a waste of time. The straw that broke the camel's back today was a project I have spent the past couple of weeks working on. It was something I was very excited to show you all as it would have been something similar to ~Smattila's latest where for the first time you would have been able to actually "look around" one of my scene sin a 360 degree view in wide format as if you were there. Sounds cool doesn't it?. But just like absolutely everything that I have ever gotten happy or excited about in my disappointing life - it always comes with a nasty hook that makes me regret biting into it in the first place After waiting two days to render just a tenth of the total image required, I found out the hard way that my computer can't do it as it crashed...So I guess that's it for that awesome idea - two weeks working on the scene and two days spent not being able to do anything else because of rendering - and now I'll just have to toss the file in the recycle bin. Its no good to me or anyone if I can't show it off

Then again - it seems everything I do takes considerably more time than anyone would think. I watch a mix of relatively new and very professional artists alike. All are fantastic at what they do of course otherwise I wouldn't be watching them. But one thing I've never seen is any one of them - ever, mention their piece took more time than my average, even if it's good enough to fetch them a job in Pixar or whatever. It's a kick in the balls where it takes you weeks to get something "good" when someone else comes along and does better in a day I've finally hit a point where the time it takes to create something, outweighs the potential worth of the final product.

It used to be fun, that's why time wasn't an issue before - after all, you want a roller-coaster ride to last as long as possible so you can enjoy the ride longer. It was like that for me but now, it just feels the fun has been sucked out of digital art since I encounter crashes more than progress, Problems more than solutions and I have now covered every subject and theme I actually care about. So unless people are fine with me just doing more landscapes, space scenes and generic semi-realism characters, then that's it. There are no "new" subjects or concepts I feel passionate enough about for me to want to draw them

I'm not as concerned with getting and industry job as before, since I now know that I'm not fit for it. I'm not fast enough, not versatile enough and now - not motivated enough. To think I could have been spending all this time living a life. Having friends, a partner, a real job. All I got instead is 160 deviations, averaging around 30 hours to create each (less on the old, more on the new) which collectively have earned me just barely more money than it has cost in software and hardware required to make them, which I found out today - still isn't enough for the type of work I wish to do

New-to-digital artists ask me how I do it, they say they want to be like me. It's flattering but now I must feel like I need to warn all aspiring artists to "don't count on it" - money making off digital art is only just slightly easier to do than it is for traditional art - and most painters and drawers will know that can feel impossible at times. It's a test of patience since unless you have the finest computer and software, you can expect crashes, freezes, file loss - the list goes on. Unless you have what it takes to make your mark on the digital art scene, a mark that goes beyond just impressing your friends on dA, then expect to find yourself regretting all the time and money you spent on it years down the track

That's just about 10% of all the emotional problems in my increasingly crappy life right now. I'd tell the rest but I don't want to crash while trying. I also am not going to bother posting group avatars this time since I'm pissed and I benefit from them so little anyway. No more group invites, I just want to remain a standalone artist like I always have

My Calendar, don't forget it, it's the best I got:

Normally I ignore these things, otherwise you'd see me journalling about it every week or two. But its been ages since I last participated and I suppose I need a new journal. So why not Though I really don't expect anyone to read it all, but there are probably some people can relate to.

Though I love looking at Final Fantasy fan-art (and I would love drawing it as often too if it weren't for anatomy issues that discourage me from doing it more regularly) the truth is I've played very little Final Fantasy and am pretty sucky at RPG games in general and would much rather play something like Mario But I do very much admire Final Fantasy's beautiful and inspiring characters and environments...just from an artistic viewpoint.

When I was a kid, and even to an extent now I was mesmerized by anything that was round, colourful or could spin, like a fly is drawn to a bug-zapper light this probably is why I got interested in space from as young as 8. But even so - my favourite toys were things that fit this criteria - marbles, bouncy-balls, pinwheels, bubbles, spinning-tops, balloons and so on all made me much happier than action figures, cars or other stereotypical boys toys

I'm 22 and still can't drive...I got as far as a few hours of practicing and that was a few years ago already. To be honest - driving and owning a car dosn't interest me the slightest. I don't have anyone to see, don't have anywhere to be...a Car to me would just be a really big, expensive paperweight for most of the time, not to mention the concept of me being behind the wheel on a road full of other drivers fills me with terror...I can barely handle a bumper-car at an amusement park. But believe it or not, if I must own and use a vehicle I'd prefer a motorbike, even then I'm concered about the danger of a crash

I'm still pretty afraid of the dark...blame numerous dark-related traumatic moments I had throughout my childhood years, and an overly vivid imagination that isn't always as bright and pleasing as what I show through my art. I still sleep with the door slightly open a bit since I don't like feeling enclosed alone in a dark room

According to the doctor's, my taste buds didn't devlop properly so this means I have the picky but simple diet and fussy nature of a little kid. Many normal foods taste rotten to me, I often only like the very basics - french fries, chicken nuggets, cheese pizza, spaghetti etc are like the only hot foods I eat. I know, not a very healthy diet - but everything else makes me wanna puke...it kinda sucks since I'm always out of place when people are having dinner and usually just find something to snack on

In high school I got kicked out of class practically every day. I wouldn't say I was a "bad kid" - just very disruptive with my random noises, talking over the teacher, throwing stuff across the room or drawing when I should have been doing my work. Still got alright grades on everything but maths though, so I didn't think it mattered, I actually pitied the students who spent all their time studying, but had no respect for the stupid kids either, there needs to be a happy medium I say

My hair isn't naturally blonde its brown, but that's still better than when I was a kid where I was a red head! I got made fun of for it a lot actually, I guess society just dosn't like red hair, even I having had it know what an undesireble feature that is...lucky when I hit my teens it darkened to brown

I still prefer animation over live-action both on TV and the movies. I am disappointed that so many of today's new cartoons suck both in animation style and weak humour due to everything having to be done so sensitivly and politically correct these days. But overall I'm more inclined to watch cartoons over live-action stuff so long as the cartoons are good quality

I type with my index fingers only and still don't have any knowledge of computers that extend beyond Photoshop or 3D stuff. To be honest, if I didn't love digital art and dA so much I could easily last weeks without e'm since I use them for little else...I didn't start using the computer daily until 2006 (when I joined dA) before then I lasted many years just fine without touching computers for days or weeks at a time, now they sadly consume me

In case you havn't noticed by now - I feel the need to explain everything in detail. I'm like this in real life too and sometimes people find it anoying. But I see it as a sign of good English skills since I use metaphors and such a lot to explain things further too

Clubs/Groups:

Yep, today my account here turned 4, ahh I've learned a lot in this time but I've done recaps on past anniversary journals so I'll pass on that this time, maybe when I turn 5

Unfortunately there are various things that have put me in a bad mood recently, while none can be blamed on deviantART or its users which have been going good for me lately. They seems to stem from a result of being here instead Firstly I was introduced to the artists best friend TinEye by =2753Productions which is used to trace instances you art has appeared elsewhere...I didn't even need to reverse-search every deviation in my gallery to notice that one of my works has been stolen and used on a CD cover while another makes a delightful promotional banner for an online store - I can't help but wonder how else my work is being whored out for illegal profits around the globe Adding insult to injury, I have been waiting about half a year to receive a fairly large payment for a commission I did and which was used for already for profits and it seems the comissioner just has an endless array of excuses as to why he can't pay me My God, this is such a waste of time, people keep stealing my works and cheating me on commissions. I really don't know why I bother anymore, after 4 years the amount of money I've spent on this digital art hobby - programs, upgrades, tablet etc - has still outweighed what I've made off it. So unless I earn at least thousand bucks more, I still would have been better off not having done any of it

It also kinda bothers me how some artists that I became friends with on here, ones that started out at the same time, age and skill-level as I did have now all gone off and are doing very well for themselves, making graphics for games, animations, movies or are close-to doing so thanks to the fact they have the money to go to college or simply live in countries with plenty of jobs that cater for digital media (anyone who lives in Australia knows that this is a TERRIBLE country to try and get such jobs in! ).
I thought I would have gotten further than I have now, but honestly my only artistic successes ever still remain here on dA, a Daily Deviation is still the most high-end honour any of my work has ever received, and seeing the state of some DD's that are given out - it makes me wonder if that really is a big deal I try as hard as anyone else but I suppose something about my "style" or choice subjects simply have almost no commercial use (or at least not good enough to actually pay me for! ) I shouldn't be jealous or even hostile to these artists but it's really hard to be happy for someone elses success when you havn't tasted your own, in my mind I'm more like "hey, congrats for taking a potential opportunity from me even though you already have a job somewhere else" - and yet I still continue to see graphics in various places that make me wonder "how did THEY get the job?" Do I really need to conform to the "typical digital artist" style? is it mandatory for me to draw alien spaceship battles, pretty CG girls, dragons or other stereotypes that you always see featured in magazines for me to get anywhere? that ain't my style man, I don't care for that stuff

My real life is lacklustre too, every day I'm bored, lonely, hoping for a change, and opportunity that never comes as I get daily lectures about "get a job", "make real friends", "stop wasting time on that damn art site". But when you are feeling hopeless with no sense of direction or change, what else is there to do when you lack motivation to do anything else, repetitive rejections and failures will do that to ya, I was even diagnosed by a doctor after ansering some Q and A that I suffered depression too, seems I went from bright and full of optimism to not caring whether I lived to see another lame-ass day But like I said, my problem is not with dA or the community, except that I havn't been able to upload for the past two days, which I need as I'm going to put custom watermarks on all my best works, so no complaints, they are subtle and placed in appropriate areas

Now I'm off to clean my brother's filthy Guinea pig cage because my Mum is making me - highlight of my month so far

Clubs/Groups:

It's been a couple of months now and high time I made a new journal as Quite a lot has happened during that time, though only on dA of course - my real life is still as dull as usual, so I'll mask up the bad things and only mention the good since no-one should be sad at this time of the year, I just wanted everyone to know that the path isn't always as upwards as I make it out to be here and I'm not swimming in luck all the time

A while back my The Swine flew was awarded a Daily Deviation. Hard to believe that's number 7 now, especially considering it took well over a year before I got my first and I was losing hope back then along the way thinking I'll never ever reach being any noteworthy figure on here...But today I was pushed even further from that notion when I and some others artists were granted the honour of Senior membership I think this is my most significant dA-day in the almost 4 years I've been here, or at least equal first with my first DD which was also a life-changing experience too. You should have seen the face I pulled (and the sweat I broke out) when I noticed that tiny change next to my name and a whole bunch of congratulatory comments on my page

When it comes down to it, no matter how much everyone (and myself sometimes) complains about this site or the people on it, the fact is the good outweighs the bad by ton and ever since signing up the only time I have let a single day of absence from signing in here slip past is for a damn valid reason like I was sick or had no internet or something It's one of the few things in my life I havn't gotten bored of over the years and remaining dedicated to attending to my page and the community here, so long as it never loses its level of integrity and overall "fun-ness" shall never feel like a chore, it's the only place where I feel genuinly appreciated and treated as a role model, just too bad I can't say the same for real life

Thankyou to everyone for their support, particularly the long time watchers whos'e interest never waned over time . Soon It'll be a new year and hopefully I'll be just as productive or more when it comes, Merry Christmas too, but I have something special for that ready to go soon anyway
But a new year isn't complete without....A calendar! that's right folks, normally I see no point in self-promotion on ones own page, but I feel the biggest collection of art I've made in years deserves a special spotlight, don't forget my Calendar now, perhaps the beacon of my submissions for this year


Happy Holidays everyone

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That's right, Jerry Springer style - where the least entertaining, but the most valuable material is saved for after the scenes where disgruntled people rip at each other

The fact is - while I still don't fully believe it wasn't based off my Where subscriber's money goes. There's just as little proving it was so after talking with the maker I decided to let this ONE instance slide - I still stand by everything I said and I think what those said in their comments still remains valid to anything really - so I reckon no-one wasted any time here, since it proved a point for future events that will inevitably piss me off in the future...so now that you all know - don't do it

Still, I think it provided an excuse for me to now talk about something that struck me a while beforehand when I saw another artwork that was similar to mine, but not entirely - otherwise I wouldn't have complimented the artist like I did, first - some visuals before I keep talking:


The first one is mine, the second is from another artist I watch and have nothing against, so this isn't a "bad" feature again people but it's an example of how two similar works cannot cause the artists to clash when they see each other...Mine was on here before his and I was actually a little shocked when I saw it in my inbox. But I noticed that although the two artworks are similar concepts, they are just different enough to be unique and so that picture didn't bother me as much a sthat other did since I sill think the resemblence of the island ones was still scaringly dead-on. My final thought is - if you must draw something, at least think outside the box in terms of colour, composition, lighting, angle, perspective etc - since chances are - your "original" idea has probably been done before...For those who do generic stuff like portraits of celebrities, photo's of flowers or pictures of planets floating over a landscape or whatever - there's less stress there since those have been done to death anyway and nobody "owns" those things. Just like nobody here owns islands and the dA logo - but I was the first-ever to combine the two and one can't blame me for getting upset, that's like Buzz Aldrin telling everyone that HE was the first person to step on the moon

DeviantWORLD Contest
I was also reminded of me being a judge for the "DeviantWORLD" contest, and once again the stupidity of people surfaces there too, just look at the entries [link] - half of them have NO relavence to the topic whatsoever...there you have it - 50% of you contestants have already FAILED in my eyes

Clubs/Groups:

Daily Deviation
First, let's get the good stuff out of the way (wow, I make that sound like a chore ) But thanks to the many people (and I know there's a lot of you!) who suggested my Spectrum of Emotions for a Daily Deviation, and to `Synfull for featuring on there a couple of days ago It was pretty successful for my first emoticon as is, so getting the DD for that, which is very different to the rest of my work and was highly experimental was a really appreciated surprise

Pissed priteeboy
Now lets spoil the moment with some ranting shall we ?
First is one I've been noticing a lot in the past few weeks is often new and attention-starved artists trying to promote their work to others by sending notes with their thumbnails to deviants they never even bothered to comment/fave/watch etc beforehand, asking for comments or even not saying anything! I think I must have gotten 3 or 4 of those from various people in the past week, one was OK since the person was actually asking me for help in something I knew about (Vue problems) but others come out of nowhere showing me art that's far from my style, medium or subject and what can they really expect me to say about something I have no knowledge of? I guess I've been too nice, since I saw the other names they send it to, and all I can say is good luck getting those artists to respond Now I'll just forget e'm. Plus I've had people copy-paste comments on my work and others trying to get me/them to join this or that site and sell my work as stock...let me tell you, the usage of my work I think is worth MUCH more than a few measly dollars!

Oh, but why pay to use my work, or any artist's for that matter when now - art-theivery has been made 4 times more convenient for all outside parties who are wanting to use your hard work to beautify their facebook accounts...Yes, I'm complaining about the new "share" features and from what I've seen in the forums and news recently, I'm not the only one who thinks dA just threw out a major portion of it's regards to the copyrights of the artist's works. I'm not saying they shouldn't have done it, but we should have the option to turn it off, all that time I spent mentioning that I don't want my art displayed on other sites without permission has practically been thrown out the door. I waste enough time chasing down retards using my art for God knows what, I don't need the problem magnified further

Oh, and the small portion of you who use Vue and kept a keen eye on this years environment competition on e-on software would know just how disappointingly biased that contest was, I complained enough about some of the finalists when I submitted my entry Tenta-pools but it was made worse when one of the 3 images I complained about in particular came FIRST! there were so many great entries that showed how original and creative a Vue-user could be, but did you pick them? no - you chose a silhouetted island at sunset! wow, I never could have thought of that I'm not blaming the artist, just the judges - I could make that same winning entry using nothing more than the presets Vue provides and I could do it in an hour...I've entered a lot of contests in the past few years but have never felt as if one was rigged before as much as I do now...Mine didn't deserve to win, but those other entries I saw were grossly underrated and I have never seen hundreds of dollars worth of prizes given away so easily...next year I'm going to make such a quick simple scene and all hell will break loose if I don't come first for it!

Calendar
I'm still thinking on whether I should make a calendar to sell here for 2010, I still have enough time to make the 12 necessary artworks (though I would have to make them one after the other and try to get one done each week) It was going to have the Solar System as the theme, but not plain-looking images of planets that we see in the rooms of high school science classes. But rather my own impression of the surfaces of the planets, still recognisable and at least 50% accurate/real - but also a bit stylised to make them look cool...Anyone reckon I should do it? I guess I need to find how to make them here too, if it's too technical I might forget about it

And there goes another trademark text-wall, I took the liberty of making each area seperate since I don't expect many to read it all

*Note to Self* don't forget these contests:
Ultimate Fandom#4: [link] Ends 25th September
Fantasy world contest: [link] Ends 15th October

Clubs/Groups:


Winner - theme of the month at #The3DArtistClub

First, a big welcome to all my new watchers I've gotten in the past few months I got lucky and made it to the front page a couple of times, something that I never thought was possible through most of the time I've been here, yet I managed to do it even without drawing Naruto and a thanks to all my long-time ones that even after all this time and me switching between styles, genres and subjects quicker than the average user switches their desktop wallpaper - have still managed to show regular interest in my work

Anyway, it's not like me to go 9 weeks without a new journal, but I think we all can't stand people that journal too much anyway either way, it's time for a new one and I was getting tired of seeing those scary photo's of myself in the last

Well as everyone noticed, I turned 21 recently, it's why I submitted my Tropic of Cancer deviation. So I'm not fishing for more Happy birthdays lol, that was a week ago, so only 51 'till my next But I was niceley surprised a few days after when my father visited, took me to the movies (saw Bruno ) and I came back to find an elaborate party with all my family there, it must have taken them forever to organise that, and I'm not going to think of how much it would have cost, but for once I actually felt like I mattered on my birthday, which is good since it was an important one and the past few were kinda dissapointing, but this was one of the best and I just thought it was worth documenting here
It is eerie being officially considered and "adult" though - a "man" rather than a "boy", especially since I was just a teenager when I joined here. Oh well, they can call me a man - but that's not gonna stop me from acting the opposite lol

That's the only major thing that's really happened to me lateley everything else is just internet-life. I'm sure you all got informed on the dA portfolio's no doubt I'd be making good use of that soon, but not until I make a nice intro-picture when I get some time and a good idea for a cover art. I also have a special emoticon in the works (yes, I'm doing another ) in celebration of the 40th anniversary of the Moon landing, hopefully I can finish it before the day is out and post it real soon (EDIT: it's been submitted now [link]

I also FINALLY got some commissions, seriously - you may not know it, but I have a better chance of finding buried treasure in my backyard than getting a commission, this is only the third all year so far and lets hope this time I actually get paid for it! so I'm not spending my money just yet, not after the last customer I had royally screwed me over and I worked for 2 weeks solid for nothing

Oh, I also did one of the backgrounds to a downloadable Smash Bros game, It's just in demo state at the moment, I'll promote it for real once I get the OK from the maker, just thought that was worth noting. Speaking of games, I'm currently enjoying Fantasy Zone II they just made that ancient Master System game available on the Virtual Console recently and it was my fave when I was like - 5 years old, and that was probably when I last played it too! so although I'm 21, this massive nostolgia hit has brought me back to my childhood

That's all, the rest is just personal stuff

*Note to Self* don't forget these contests:
Ultimate Fandom#4: [link] Ends 25th September
Fantasy world contest: [link] Ends 15th October

Clubs/Groups:


Winner - theme of the month at #The3DArtistClub